


if it's you or me (you're still confused)

by dxwonn



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Dark, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hypnotism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Missing Persons, Obsession, Peter Pan References, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxwonn/pseuds/dxwonn
Summary: in which dawon has been lost, for months. no clues, no words, nothing.no one knows where he is.
Relationships: Kang Chanhee | Chani/Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon, Kang Chanhee | Chani/Kim Youngbin, Kim Inseong/Lee Jaeyoon, Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon/Lee Sanghyuk | Dawon, Kim Youngbin/Lee Sanghyuk | Dawon, Kim Youngkyun | Hwiyoung/Yoo Taeyang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. 0. five days

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [if it's you or me (you're still confused)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23188180) by [dxwonn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxwonn/pseuds/dxwonn). 



_ five days. _

that was the duration that dawon went missing. everything was so sudden and unpredictable that everyone was stunned. the moment jaeyoon ran out of the room saying he didn't see dawon with a worried face, everything seemed to freeze with the confirmation that no one had ever seen the dawon going to neither the practice room nor the company.

they could not understand what was happening. everything seems so timid at that moment.

they even checked the apartment building's surveillance camera, still nothing has been found. the company could not capture any images of dawon either.

_ no, they really, cannot understand what is happening.  _

youngbin sat on the floor, hiding his face on his knees while the sobs of chanhee and hwiyoung kept him wide awake. juho and taeyang looked insecure all the time, though the two guys were always ready whenever they received a call from the company. at this time, the olders - inseong and jaeyoon - were forced to be tough and strong, as they had to keep their younger brothers' spirits up. they need to be stronger, to control the foolish rowoon, who was about to go find dawon _alone_.

“i swear” - rowoon gritted through his teeth - “if there's an asshole behind this ..”

youngbin turned his eyes full of dark circles towards rowoon with a bizarre expression, with a cool and clear voice, he interrupted

“rowoon.  _ stop it _ ”

a minute of silence. a silence due to panic and surprise. then rowoon's grim voice raised again, curtly, and dryly

“if you said so”


	2. 1. breakfast

the pattering rain sound on the porch signals an approaching storm. rowoon peeked through the gap from the blanket over his head, to see seoul entering the rainy season. he winced, snorted before kicking the blanket and walking out of the room. youngbin was still laughing at something with chanhee. rowoon frowned while seeing hwiyoung was still sleepy coming out of the bathroom. the sound of the door clattered, then he heard juho whining _"it's going to rain again"_. this guy complains a lot when it rains.

  
the sizzling frying sound in the kitchen, the smell of fried eggs mingled in the air and the pungent smell of oncoming rain. taeyang was setting the table while inseong and jaeyoon were cooking breakfast.

  
  
"hey kids, breakfast is ready.”

  
  
they gathered at the dining room, sitting neatly at the table despite some clutter sounds from the kids, but rowoon only focused on a small vase of flowers on the table, before being startled by inseong.

  
  
"oh? where's dawon?"

  
  
it wasn't until then did rowoon glance around, _1 2 3 4..7 8 .._ , he started to sit up straight, and saw youngbin's face becoming serious.

  
  
“not awake yet? jaeyoon, go in there and call him out."

  
  
jaeyoon reluctantly got up and walked out of the dining room, then a heavy silence filled the room. about a minute later, jaeyoon rushed out the dining room, he looked extremely panicked, and his lips quivered

  
  
"dawon is _not_ here"

  
  
“what do you mean by that?”

  
  
"that I can't find him in this house"

  
  
youngbin hurriedly stood up, inseong put the pan on the stove, everyone seemed a bit panicked.

  
  
_“the number you have dialed does not exist"_

  
  
a stiff voice from the phone speaker seemed like a critical hit to their heads.

  
  
 _they were stunned_.

  
  
_"number...you called…not exist"_

  
  
monotonous words, repeated over and over, still echoed after hours in the dining room about forty square meters, along with eight frightened people. the storm strengthened, the wind sound struck the door aggressively.

  
  
the eggs were still in the frying pan. the breakfast suddenly became stressful and quite awkward.

  
  
“could you give me some more coffee, jaeyoon?"

  
  
“chanhee, eat more meat."

  
  
"who wants more toast?"

  
  
eight people, sitting close to each other uninterestedly, hidden gazes flickered each other.

  
  
"will anyone have the last egg slice?"

  
  
“ah, is there any butter left juho hyung?"

  
  
“here, shall I give you some more bread?"

  
  
 _eight people, behaved perfectly normal at breakfast_.


	3. 2. pills, and cigarette packs

indiscriminate pills were found on the bed, under the pillow and an empty bottle was in a jacket pocket.

“god..” - inseong trembled as he pulled out the medicine bottle from the dawon's discarded jacket pocket - “is this ... a sedative?"

youngbin standing nearby was not surprised, he just exhaled and turned away, searching his missing brother’s bed for something that could help him find dawon. he tried to act calm

_ he thought he was calm _

_ no, _ he was doing the right thing as a leader, he cannot be weak or lose his temper because of this, it would affect the group’s mood. even if dawon is the person he adores the most, youngbin still has to put the group's spirit in the first place.

"youngbin, don't tell me you knew dawon took medicine without telling us?" - inseong growled, clearly he was annoyed by his attitude - "youngbin, _answer me_ "

"yes i know" - youngbin turned his head, facing inseong - "i knew that”

inseong widened his eyes, the calmness of youngbin scared him, his hands hurriedly clinged to a red-haired guy standing next to him.

“hey, why don't you two think .." - jaeyoon said - “this doesn’t belong to dawon?”

youngbin raised his eyebrow, looking puzzled

"what do you mean?"

“think about it“ - jaeyoon shrugged his shoulders - "do you really think dawon is that stupid, walk away without talking, and leave a pile of medicine for us to know? this ain’t nothing like him, i’m pretty sure that kid, he must be smarter, not simply leaving a few pills and an empty bottle like this "

"or he doesn't even need to leave anything" - youngbin continued, _maybe he understood what jaeyoon meant_ , the boy who heard that shrugged his shoulders again.

"just my assumption" - jaeyoon snatched the bottle from inseong’s hand - “now that we haven’t found dawon, this might be the only clue he left behind"

inseong was still stunned, he seemed unable to stand, plumping himself down on the bed. jaeyoon could only kneel down beside him and silently comforted him, then looked at youngbin with tiring eyes, and received the same look from him.

"i could never expect .." - inseong trembled - "dawon. dawon is a very good boy .. why .."

then he hiccups. youngbin took a deep breath, looking at the white pills that had been packed into the earlier bottle, he planned to give it to the police and manager.

because youngbin himself didn’t even know whose bottle it was, he answered inseong just like that, but he did not really _know_. _so youngbin was scared_. he didn’t even know what he was scared of, the only thing he knew was that, he had to keep this medicine out of the kids' sight.

"alright" - youngbin said - "inseong, jaeyoon, let's go out"

“could you lead inseong hyung go out first? imma clean the room a bit, i’ll be there in a minute"

youngbin hold inseong from jaeyoon, then helped the collapsed fellow out of the room. jaeyoon also followed after folding up the blankets, tidying the shirts and putting them in the closet.

before closing the door, jaeyoon noticed a cigarette pack at the foot of the bed

_ which didn't appear before. _


	4. 3. news, billboard, don't you find it strange?

“i might turn crazy just because of this" - juho growled in his throat as they walked out of the last hospital in the area - "identify the body? do they think dawon is _already dead_?"

"not like that, it's one of the _must-have_ steps in the searching process" - inseong explained - "and look, all the people that we identified have the _same_ described traits as dawon’s"

"but did you forget it?” - rowoon shrugged - "we even showed them dawon hyung’s photos?"

jaeyoon nodded, "but I don't think that's enough"

“enough what?"

“think about it" - smirked jaeyoon - “maybe _lack of information_?”

“how come?" - youngbin went ahead - " _brown and short hair, fair skin, about 1m79 tall, 60-65 kg, not too fat._ i think this is enough for the police to find, not to mention that we gave dawon’s photos to the police. "

all over the street, newspapers were put on the board with the headline _"mysterious rookie boy group member went missing"_ , along with other news such as _"the appearance of mass murderers, victims are normally boys aged 21 - 30 ","rampant hypnosis online"," bts are honored to attend billboard event "_ and so on.

they walked through gossip, questions and awkward glances from the pedestrians.

“i hope the kids are okay at school.." - muttered inseong - "they seem so depressed"

"no dawon no vitality" - juho grumbled - "even we are depressed, how couldn’t they. hwiyoung is lying around crying and crying the whole night“

"rowoon? are you okay?" - jaeyoon suddenly spoke as he saw this kid stopping in the middle of the road, looking to the other side of it - "rowoon?"

" _d..dawon_ " - rowoon shakily pointed his finger to the other side of the road, immediately they all looked at the same direction.

"rowoon, there's no one standing there" - inseong looked back and forth, then patted rowoon on the shoulder - “you’re too tired, let's go home"

rowoon’s eyes still glued on the other side of the road, did not stop for a second. juho still felt confused and looked at the same direction again, he noticed that jaeyoon was also looking.

“what did you see?"

"nothing"

jaeyoon shrugged and walked ahead while juho just stood still.

this boy had been watching the billboard for cosmetics for a while, forgot that the leader was looking ahead of them with a strange look, walking and mumbling something.


End file.
